She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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