You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize