Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
