Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
