i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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