Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
