so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
