I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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