he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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