you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
