You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
