What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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