We got so high we made milksteak
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
