eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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