doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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