i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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