I puked a lego.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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