I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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