Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
