4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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