She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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