he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize