He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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