So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I love you. Go after that dick
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
