dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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