Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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