well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
