if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Life is so much better after having sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
