My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
