Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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