I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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