ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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