Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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