The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
