Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
