ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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