i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
