yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
