Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
