Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
