I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
