I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize