Will you blow on my dice?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
