I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
