You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
