I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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