8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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