Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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