either way he was missing a nipple.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
