remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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