Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
