rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
