i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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