Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He shit in the fireplace
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
