I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
