ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
