White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
