i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
