Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
