i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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