Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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