just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
