I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
