Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
