I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
