Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
