Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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