I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
