Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize