Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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