Your mouth is God's brothel.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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