Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
