You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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