just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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