so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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