I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
