I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
