Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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