we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
