Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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