Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
