i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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