i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
false alarm. still invincible.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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